Rochelle's musings

I think I will try to get BJ to write his own post about what he has been up to, and here is mine.  This is sort of a journal kind of entry for me, so please excuse the ME-ness of it.

Most of my life right now is taken up by caring for Gabe and Luke, and trying keep everything at home running smoothly (which I am sometimes successful at, sometimes not).  I have an intense desire to be Martha Stewart and have a perfectly clean home and fresh baked bread, and sweet-smelling children all dressed and fed playing quietly together.  I want to feel like everything in my world is organized and clutter free.  I find myself wishing that I could have at least 2 more hours in every day (after the children are asleep) that I could use how I please, and that I would be motivated to do laundry and mopping and stuff.  Alas, I am not Martha, and my house is far from perfectly clean and organized, and all too often my kids (and myself) remain pajama- clad all day long, or at least until 3pm.  I haven't figured out a way to get a couple extra hours every day, and I still have a huge pile of clean laundry that I cannot motivate myself to fold.  BUT- I did bake bread today.  :D  I have been working on the most cluttered spots around my home, trying to get rid of unused, unwanted, and unloved items (Fly Lady, anyone?), and generally just cleaning up the same messes umpteen times a day.  I feel good about the fact that I went from being very intimidated by and unmotivated to cook dinner (um, for about 5 years of marriage- ouch) to feeling pretty comfortable and confident in the kitchen (not that I am an awesome cook, just that I am not afraid to try new things and branch out a bit) and putting a hot meal on the table most nights by the time BJ is home from work.  It is something I always wanted to do, but just couldn't get the motivation or courage to do.  Sounds a little silly, right?  I suppose I had a complex about cooking and baking for a long time.  But I made a goal last year, a little after Luke was born, and I have stuck to it, and it feels GREAT!

When I have some free time, I usually choose one of my "go-to" activities.  Two nights a week, after the kids are in bed, I go to Zumba.  I love Zumba.  It is good exercise, and it is fun!  I don't feel like I am exercising, but I usually go home drenched in sweat.  I can't wait until it warms up outside and I can add in some of the other exercise- like things that I like to do.  Being outside is good for me (when it is a reasonable temperature).

Of course, my other go-to is anything crafty.  I have been blogging about my crafty adventures on my other blog, Home Sweet Homebodies.  A few months ago, I was thinking about how I could better meet my goal of being service and giving- oriented all year long (spreading the spirit of Christmas over 12 months) and it hit me that I could connect it somewhat to craftiness and invite others to join me.  I decided that I want to do one project each month that is dedicated to "making the world a little sweeter".

For January's project, I whipped out my crochet hook to make hats for the Caps For Good project- a really worthwhile organization that distributes hats to moms and babies in other countries as a part of their newborn survival program.  Because I had a really hard time reading crochet patterns, I decided to make a tutorial on making a really simple baby beanie.  If you want to see that post and tutorial, click here.  I have also been working on several sewing projects, none of which are finished...

The other thing that takes up my time is the Cub Scouts.  I am the Assistant Cubmaster.  Sounds really fancy and official, right?  Not so much.  Mainly I get to plan and record and do administrative type work.  Right now I am working on the Blue and Gold dinner which is coming up really soon.  We are doing a "Scouting through the years" theme with Wild West decorations.  I am in charge of coming up with thank you cards and decorations, and I have a pretty small budget to work with.  I bought a few materials, but mostly I am going to work with recycled things like cardboard boxes.  I hope it ends up looking cool and not crappy.  Wish me luck. 

Right now my life is all about trying to find balance.  How do I be a good mom, wife, and everything else I need to be and develop myself as a person at the same time?  It seems like in order to be a good mother you must lose yourself to a degree (but perhaps not such a bad thing after all, as "whosoever will be willing to lose his {or her} life for my sake, the same shall save it"-JST, Luke 9:24 -that's a different way of interpreting that, I know.).  I am ok with losing parts of myself, like especially all the less desirable parts, but I don't want to forget who I am, or not know what makes me, well, me.  So, it is back to balance- to spending good, quality time with my kids and husband, and taking a healthy amount of time for myself, to do other kinds of things which I also love.  I am still trying to figure it all out.  It seems like as soon as I start feeling comfortable with the way things are, a change occurs that forces me to re-adjust.  Like the births of my children, or simply when they reach new stages in life.  It causes me to re-examine my life and what I am doing so that I must constantly progress. 

Well, that's all I've got for now.  If you are still reading this, are there any moms out there that have thoughts on finding balance between motherhood, wifehood (is that a word?), and personal development?